2022 New Year’s Resolutions inVerse

Sure, we can all make a bunch of New Year’s Resolutions

To improve ourselves and revitalize our own constitutions

But to tell the truth, are resolutions really that imperative?

When so much of our stress comes from an outside narrative

Wouldn’t it be better if we could make

New Year’s Resolutions for others to take?

Whereby our lives would become soooo much more pleasant

If others would simply be a little more acquiescent

And undertake to follow the excellent resolutions below

Which would make for a better world, from the word go

1. People who drive infuriatingly slow in the left lane

Will immediately lose their license and must travel by bus or train

2. Coca-Cola will come to the rescue as a hero

And bottle excellent no calorie wines, called Wine Zero

3. Those who receive excellent wait staff service, but leave little or no tip

Must attend gratuity counseling, and classes on how better to channel your inner guilt trip

4. ATM’s must all be programmed like a kind of lotto game

And randomly dispense large sums of cash to customers with your name

5. Persons who do not recycle their plastic, metal, paper, and glass

Will have to spend their weekends perched on nearby landfills on their ass

6. Children will voluntarily eat vegetables and pick up their room

They’ll brush their teeth, and become acquainted with the dust broom

7. Your better half will apprehend the advantages of serving you breakfast in bed

And never, ever, ever, mention anything about pesky pounds that could be shed

8. Health clubs will compete for your undivided attention

Offering free personal trainers with names like Amber and Sven

9. Sleeping will become an Olympic sport to behold

And the country will turn to you to win the gold

10. And the state of your finances will become quite phenomenal

When the IRS decides that paying your taxes is totally optional

So there’s a list of resolutions which you could probably keep with ease

Just as long as everyone else knows who’s the focus, and who they should please

Photo by Anthony Da Cruz on Unsplash